This dress was meant to end up on your floor
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
