I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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