If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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