The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
