Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You may now shotgun with the bride
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
