Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
