Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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