I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize