idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
false alarm, still single
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize