Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
