when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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