Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
