So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
