Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how drunk are you?
Several
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize