I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
