i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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