Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize