I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
