i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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