So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
