I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
