actually, I'm a sock model
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
