Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
