I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
