I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
