He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
