Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
