dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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