The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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