So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
