my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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