When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize