everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
