the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
