"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
