He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
