why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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