I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
