I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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