It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
