Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize