and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
