I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
