Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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