We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
