just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
