He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
