you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My feet surprised me
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