i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
