Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In America we eat man semen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
