margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
