Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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