we have officially lost it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
