I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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