I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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