Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
