So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it glows. i had to have it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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