He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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