matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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