she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
