i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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