My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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