after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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