That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
