I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
