do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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