I'm pants shitting drunk right now
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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