Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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