I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
