I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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