Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
