I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize