the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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