question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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