I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
