Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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