soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
