yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
