we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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