there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
