I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
