i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
