It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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