Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
