you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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