you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
