bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
