every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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