open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
