Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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