I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
