you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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