Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
