If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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