How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
