Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
