i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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