I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
