Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
